The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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