i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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