At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
