remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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