I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
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