Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
