I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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