Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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