I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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