Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
