while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
