Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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