Im at strip club and am horny
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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