I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
