Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
