He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize