uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Randomize
