just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
People in love make me want to vomit
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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