Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
