So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
