i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
