and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
there's paper in my vomit.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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