I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
