the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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