we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
In other news, I just burned my penis
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
