Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
