you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
