Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
