I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
