i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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