Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
