I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
