it was like his penis was on wheels.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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