Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
