why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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