i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
im holly from the hills drunk
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
