just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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