yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
