I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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