i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
