shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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