community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
