Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize