if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I will be naked everywhere
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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