this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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