She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
