Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
