he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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