It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
