Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
