there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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