my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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