Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
