So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
