my vag is so smooth its legendary
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
