you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
