My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Are my feet made of real feet?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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