I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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