i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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