I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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