It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
