we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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