Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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