some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
