I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
