I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
